I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
