Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
