i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
