im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
