He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
