Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
