Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
