Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
