Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
