Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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