What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
