The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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