Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
