Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
