Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
