My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
