I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
