This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
