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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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