At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all Iβm wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesdayβs nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
