dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
