Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
