I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
