Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
porn star boner night. come get it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize