apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
