well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
