Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
