can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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