Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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