oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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