Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
wow bdsm is so cute
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
