He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
