you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
