The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
