i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
