You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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