It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
