"it" just moved
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize