Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
