Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
