I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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