i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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