i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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