I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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