He asked to "fluff my boner.."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We smell like vodka and hangover
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