She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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