she looked like the bat from fern gully.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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