Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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