just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
