Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
