i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
