sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
