Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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