What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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