Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
