How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
