Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
