Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
