I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
