so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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