I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize