im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
