the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
