You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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