That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
