if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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