Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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