I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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