I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
