Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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