lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
