If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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