I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize