I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
