I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
